Thank you

I thank God for my wife which He has picked out for me.
I thank God for provision which He set in motion years ago to affect our lives today.
I thank God for transforming me two years ago to prepare us for the exact thing today that caused His transformation.
But I don't thank my wife enough or verbalize my heart.
Thank you for marrying a sinner like me.
Thank you for choosing to marry my situation.
Thank you for loving God and choosing God in disappointments.
Thank you for always trying.
Thank you for loving me through my impatience, pride, anger, ungodliness, bad examples, complaints, unloving, hurtful words, insensitivity, laziness and unforgiving heart.
Thank you for being my wife. I'm excited to uncover what God has in store for us through His preparations in what we're dealing with now.

Thank you Judy.

3/23 Life Journal

Joshua 17
¹⁷Joshua spoke to the house of Joseph, to Ephraim and Manasseh, saying, "You are a numerous people and have great power; you shall not have one lot only,¹⁸but the hill country shall be yours. For though it is a forest, you shall clear it, and to its farthest borders it shall be yours; for you shall drive out the Canaanites, even though they have chariots of iron and though they are strong."

Observation
Joshua speaks to the sons of Joseph that they will have their land to live and prosper according to God and to go drive out the Canaanites even if they are strong.


Application
Sometimes, actually a lot of times I live my life thinking, God has taken me this far and I'm comfortable. I will live as is since I'm ok with it. I stop asking God for directions and seek what's next. But I like to bask in the comfort and let my guard down, not realizing how weak and sinful I am. All the more without God's direction. When things don't turn right because of the consequence, I start wondering and stressing, "what happened?" Like the sons of Joseph, why are we to have such small portion of land? Why is my business suffering? Why is it so hard to lead a ministry? Why am I more angry?
Unbelief is such strong enemy that seeps in me without knowing it's happening. Like a slithering snake it's choking the spirit life out of me. And my unwillingness to recognize my sin of unbelief becomes pride and it hardens. Whats worse is my act of lukewarmness in knowing but not willing.
I'm not sure why they didn't drive out the Canaanites, it could be fear, laziness, being content. Whatever it is, it's directly disobeying God's command. My lukewarmness, laziness, comfort deserves to be spat out like dirty sour water. But what I realized today is that, in me being this way, I made God look bad. I've dirtied His Name by continuing to be this way and leading God's people.

Prayer
Father, may your name be hallowed. Through my weakness and prideful-ness, may Your Name be glorified. Lord, You lift be up from my shame and redeem me according to Your will. I proclaim in faith of your promise and everlasting love, that I am renewed by Your Word. Lord, thank You for Your discipline. Lord make me, mold me to be more like You. May I be in Christ that in all things I do, I may drive out the Canaanites of my life in boldness shaped by Your Word. My strength comes from You, Lord. I pray all these things in Christ's name, amen.

12/15 Life Journal

James 1: 21 - 27

Therefore, putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls. But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does. If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless. Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

Observation
James teaches to be the foot soldiers of the Word and of the preaching. Not be fat and obese Christians of the world but exercise in repetition so that we won't forget.

Application
As simple as this passage is it hit home deeply. As I was choosing songs for praise this week, I felt dry and not being able to connect. I tried harder and harder to come up with songs and realized I had nothing. I just had to stop because this process was stressing me out because normally the songs just come flowing without having to "try". I went to the Word last night to gain wisdom and strength... But I didn't really come away with anything from Hebrews and Jude.
When I read James 1 this morning, I knew God was disciplining me as I would urge brothers and sisters in Christ to desperately read the Word and pray, I wasn't following it. I had gotten comfortable because of how easily God would provide the songs. "If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless." This is so true as I was worthless in trying to prepare songs when my heart was empty, relying on God without any effort on my part.

Prayer
Father, thank you that your disciplines come in perfect timing and every good and perfect gift really can only come from you. Thank you that you're the provider when I am in need and you see things for me in provision. Thank you for being my strength and wisdom time and time again. Lord, would you continue to work through me by the power of the Holy Spirit and mold me to be stronger and a do-er of the Word and not just by the mouth. Thank you that I have joy through everything I am faced with. I pray all these things in Jesus' name, amen.

8/30 Life Journal

Ezekiel 9

⁴The LORD said to him, "Go through the midst of the city, even through the midst of Jerusalem, and put a mark on the foreheads of the men who sigh and groan over all the abominations which are being committed in its midst."

⁵But to the others He said in my hearing, "Go through the city after him and strike; do not let your eye have pity and do not spare.

⁶"Utterly slay old men, young men, maidens, little children, and women, but do not touch any man on whom is the mark; and you shall start from My sanctuary." So they started with the elders who were before the temple.

⁷And He said to them, "Defile the temple and fill the courts with the slain. Go out!" Thus they went out and struck down the people in the city.

Observation
Ezekiel is seeing all of this in the vision of God. Before I go on to anything else, that is the coolest thing I could imagine. Seeing things in the vision of God, WOW!!! Ok, enough wishing. It's a scary vision of God's wrath and his anger to the people who bring mockery to His glory. As if the vision of Him as Half man and half flame with brightness like glowing metal wasn't scary enough. What He allows in the vision is very horrifying. Every men and women, old and young who turn their back on God gets it. Death.

Application
This isn't just old testament times few thousand years back of ungrateful, ignorant people. This is us. This is who we've become without God's wrath that lead's us to death because there was one saving death that covers all our stupidity. We may not worship sun gods and tammuz but we worship ourselves. Things to glorify and satisfy our wants, this is idolatry, this is abomination. We are just as if not more guilty of the the crap that is worthy of God's wrath ten times over. So called elders, pastors, Christians... We flat out ignore God's commandments maybe because we don't face God's anger like they used to. Maybe because we have lackluster, lukewarm approach to God. Whatever it is, we need to wake up, ask God to awaken us. Not simply because we should be scared of the wrath like in Ezekiel 9 and be slaughtered merciless. But, because of sincere and pure recognition of who God is. God is not just someone who we meet on Sundays and ask to feed us. God is real as the wind that blows and existed from the beginning, now and to the end of times. Yes, that includes weekdays, weeknights, 24/7, every day of our lives.
To see things in through the vision of God, we must immerse ourselves in the Word. Renewed mind by the Holy Spirit will guide us to discern from evil and the will of God. This is the only way we can be transformed to not conform to the things of the worldly. In this, then maybe I will be 0.1 percent to being like Jesus. Just maybe.

Prayer
Abba father, I a shame you in so many ways. I bring mockery to you and to your glory. Lord forgive me and bring to me the things I do and of the things I do not know that brings mockery to you. So that I may come to understand to glorify you. I do not want to be like them and be ignorant but I want to live to magnify you and glorify you to the fullest. Lord I ask You to transform me and keep me afloat, so that I can do as Christ would and live it out. I thank you for bringing to me all the things I do wrong in deed and in my heart. I thank you that those feelings are not callus but brings to deeper understanding and conviction. Lord grant me the strength to endure the selflessness and dying to carry the cross daily. Lord it's so hard to do the things you're convicting my heart to do and to change. I alone can not do this but with Christ I believe I can do all things to glorify You. Lord thank you for honing me and shaping me, I will live to obey You. I pray all these things in Christ's name, amen.

8/27 Life Journal

Revelation 1

¹The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show to his servants the things that must soon take place. He made it known by sending his angel to his servant John, ² who bore witness to the word of God and to the testimony of Jesus Christ, even to all that he saw. ³ Blessed is the one who reads aloud the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear, and who keep what is written in it, for the time is near.


Observation
The prophesy of and from God which we are to keep, spread this word of prophesy and listen.

Application
When I see false and deceiving teachers coming out more and more these days I do feel like the time is near or at the least the prophesy of Revelation is being fulfilled. It's scary when so many people are deceived, an arena full of people who have no discernment to know what is evil and what is of God, seeking "me" centered, feel good message at certain "Osteen" gathering. It scares me.

People now a days seem to look for shortcuts. Without reading the Word of God and without seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit, some without this discernment dangerously seek what we want to hear rather than what God has to say, things we need to be convicted of. Years of disobeying and choosing to not hear what God has been speaking to us about, there is nothing that can help us other than being completely undone, broken down by the conviction of the truth which we are to read aloud. So that those who hear the gospel and the prophesy will be totally intoxicated and completely be under the influence of the Holy Spirit.

Only when we immerse ourselves with the Word, only then we can breathe Jesus and be completely soaked in Him. Having the discernment that Jesus would have only by the Holy Spirit that we have in us. So that we will not be deceived but have the discernment that only Holy Spirit can guide and lead us to the perfect form and the shape God has planned for us to become.

Prayer
Abba father. I confess in the weakness that consumes me and not having enough of You in me to be disciplined enough to be apart from the world. Forgive my inequities and my sinner's heart. But Lord, I want to immerse myself in the Word that feeds me spiritually daily and be drenched in it as I live. I wish to breathe fire of Jesus out of my lungs and be filled with the Holy Spirit to discern what is good and evil. Lord I wish to live to glorify You with all my heart, mind, body and soul. Fill me in every one of those to where You see fit as you break me down completely. I pray all these things in Jesus' name, amen.
--

4/5 Life Journal

2 Corinthians 5

4For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died;

¹⁵and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.

¹⁶Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer.

¹⁷Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

¹⁸Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation,

¹⁹namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

²⁰Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.

²¹He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

Observation
Wow such deep awesome Words. Christ died for us to become "sin" to be nailed to the cross, which is ironic that he was the only pure lamb to walk the earth whose never sinned. And because Christ died for all we all die for for Him. Through this death we become new and is reborn again into something different from the past.

Application
To me the words that spoke to me years ago and continually speaks to me in ways that hold much more weight every time God teaches me is the meaning of dying for Him. And to live according to the meaning, knowing and having true understand of dying rings louder every time. Perhaps it's years of failures in trying to live like so and added wisdom God allows in my life that makes it ring so true. It's gets harder and harder. But comes with humility God shows me through His Words that I am not "all that". Being a perfectionist myself, to see actual perfect God and to see myself in how I try to be perfect and fail so miserably, I couldn't be further away from the word perfect. But God encourages us and with spirit living in us we are strengthened, and for the glory of God and in faith there is nothing that we can't do through Him. Though I may fail today in Him and only through Him I am renewed and so I have hope in tomorrow.

Prayer
Heavenly Father, thank you for redeeming cross that renews us daily. Thank you for your grace in reminder that your saving grace and cross lives in us daily not just Easter or leading up to it. That even the day after Easter, on Monday night You are still God and the blood on the cross still remains. Lord, may I be reminded daily for your works in your death for us all so that I may die in You. May I be strengthened in You so that I can live not of my flesh but really to surrender wholly to leave of this flesh. I pray all these things in Jesus' name, amen.

3/25 Life Journal

<sup>1 Corinthians 10

28</sup>But if anyone says to you, "This is meat sacrificed to idols," do not eat it, for the sake of the one who informed you, and for conscience' sake;²⁹I mean not your own conscience, but the other man's; for why is my freedom judged by another's conscience?³⁰If I partake with thankfulness, why am I slandered concerning that for which I give thanks?³¹Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.³²Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God;³³just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit but the profit of the many, so that they may be saved.

Observation
Paul is encouraging us to look to the end goal, which is to spread the Gospel. Even if we ourselves see no wrong in the things that we do, if there are reasons for the world to judge us and bring them away from knowing God we need to remove ourselves from it.

Application
This book of Corinthians have been challenging me to run not walk, even worse be stagnant. With things constantly hounding me and surprises popping up my schedule is never a routine. I make that my excuse and run with it. Perhaps more running than I should be doing with the Gospel.

I've never been a drinker, meaning alcoholic beverages but while back I used to love going to this Korean bar place for the food. Some of you may know me well enough to understand my love for food. I seriously one day had contemplating thoughts of driving down to LA to eat some Korean food and drive back the same day. So often visits to this Korean bar for food was easy thing to do. One of my good friend rebuked me for doing so. That if anyone that knew me saw me there, that would hinder them to judge me but more so that I am not representing in a God glorifying way.

Food is food, there is none that will draw us away from God nor bring closer because of food. But if someone were to be hindered and be drawn away from God because he/she saw me at a bar eating food even if I'm not drinking I must remove myself completely from it. I used to think why? But I'm not drinking. If I looked at this in a "me" driven view, sure what's wrong with that? But Paul encourages us to look at the goal of the great commission Christ has given us which is to spread the Gospel. To save one soul from eternal damnation we must live our lives according to that is of glorifying God. Lose my own selfish thoughts and desires to save a soul.

Prayer
Father, your conviction strikes me deep to live my life for your glory. Speak to me and may I seek your word daily to be trained to see through the eye of the gospel. More and more I find myself so unworthy and incapable of the things you desire of me but I know you continue to mold me and work within my life to walk like Christ has. Thank you for continuing to reveal to me my brokenness so that I may continue to cling to you. May I decrease to be a working part of your saving Gospel. I pray all these things in Christ's name, amen.